Power to the Pleasers

How Emotionally Immature Parents and People Pleasing go together

Our parents are the ones who taught us how to be in the world. How to interact with other people. The rules of life if you will. We gotta take them into account when we get curious about how we became pleasers and perfectionists. Not to blame them, but to get a holistic understanding of our relationship patterns. In this series I break down Emotionally Immature Parenting so you get a chance to understand some significant influences in our relationship development. This episode is the eye opening one. I lay it all out for you and share personality traits, interaction styles and ways to step out of the pattern for a minute and get an outside perspective on some relationship traps you may fall into with your parents. Next episodes are on how to interact with both your parents and other emotionally immature folks in your life and then how to deprogram this pattern for yourself. Learning about EIPs was a huge step in me unhooking from how I related to my parents for a long long time. To our emotional freedom!
Also discussed in this episode:
The top 4 personality traits of an Emotionally Immature Parent/Person.
The DIRECT CONNECTION having an Emotionally Immature Parent has on our people pleasing and perfectionism.
An absolutely necessary TRUTHS list to print and repeat to yourself!
 
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk about how I can help right here:
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Join the email community! https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl
 
Links to freebies:
https://powertothepleasers.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/01/TRUTHS-list-for-Adult-Kids-of-Emotionally-Immature-Parents-2.pdf
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/vicki.smith.3110/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

Where it all began - HOW we became people pleasers

Pleasers and perfectionists can have this admirable quality of being super understanding and giving people the benefit of the doubt. And…it can become a not-so-great-quality if we don’t keep it in check.
It can make us very tired and pretty resentful.
In this episode I go back a little bit to our kidhood and explore where our try-try-try efforting in relationships began.
Also discussed in this episode:
The common denominator in all our relationships.
An unconscious mantra I want you to walk away from right now!
How dog training relates to our early nurturing experiences.
 
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk about how I can help right here:
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Join the email community!
https://subscribepage.io/L8inBl
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/vicki.smith.3110/
 
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
 
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

Boundaries for the Holidays - The perfect gift for the pleaser in you!

The season of giving is here! And how ironic for a people pleaser because we give all year long! So what do we do to curb this natural tendency to keep on giving? Boundaries my friend. Boundaries make us more merry as we move into the holidays.
In this episode I share a guest episode where I talked with my friend Lauren Wolfe on her show Your Zen Friend all about holiday boundaries.
You can find out all about Lauren on the July 11th episode on Tapping or in the links below! 
In this episode Lauren and I break down how to realistically set a boundary to keep your experience of the holidays light!
Cool stuff in this episode:
A step-by-step guide on what to do before you commit to another thing.
The two biggest learning curves for pleasers when it comes to boundary setting.
How to respond with kindness without overexplaining.
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Connect with Lauren:
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/groups/1459988007829194
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yourzenfriendpod/
Website - https://www.laurencounseling.com
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
 
 

How to REBEL as a people pleaser

People pleasers are famous for making OTHERS lives great. What about OUR lives though? We’ve learned to dismiss our natural human physical symptoms of what makes us happy. We have lost touch with ourselves, and I am here to re-connect you! 
In this episode I give you an easy exercise that will help guide you back to what feels comfortable and life giving for YOU!
Remembering yourself is our own people pleaser and perfectionistic version of RESISTANCE! Also discussed in this episode: 
How to tell if something is satisfying or out of alignment. 
What F.O.G. is and how it derails our happiness. 
What your calendar can teach you about your inner happiness level!
 
Links: 
Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk! 
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

How not to be so hard on yourself

In this episode we discuss the 3 highlights of how perfectionists see the world. These are the main components that keep our perfectionistic thinking revved up and ready to get that insane to-do list DONE!
We also get into the frustrating qualities that keep us lost in the constant hum of perfectionism. Doesn’t that sound like a fun thing to explore! I promise it's necessary and enlightening.
FREE gift - a guide to working with the SECRET PART of our personality (to be revealed in the show!) by using IFS questions and inquiries. Also discussed in this episode:
The universal self-belief that runs the perfectionism machine
The part of our personality that is the brains behind our perfectionism
The ONE REASON we are so unhappy as perfectionists (oh, and how to change that!)
 
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Guide to working with your main perfectionistic part:
https://www.canva.com/design/DAFTRNSxx7o/JA6fNVFH3Wnc9tAQ-VYHNg/view?utm_content=DAFTRNSxx7o&utm_campaign=designshare&utm_medium=link&utm_source=publishsharelink
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YT: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q

Having Fun with Failure - Using Improv to ease (social) anxiety with Murray Dabby

Why would someone who shuts down in a crowd EVER get on stage and speak up? Well, my guest today teaches folks to face this fear and have fun with the imperfect failings that come with doing improv!In this episode I talk with fellow Atlanta psychotherapist Murray Dabby about his group Curtain Up Anxiety Down.
 
Murray Dabby is a community builder, educator, advocate and social therapist.
 
He has founded developed and directs several therapeutic groups that focus on  relationship skill-building whether that be The couples college, Atlanta All Stars, the Atlanta Center for Social Therapy or Curtain Up, Anxiety Down which is what we spend time on today.
 
While people pleasers don’t automatically feel anxious socially, we do tend to lose our words and fade into the background to keep the peace so I thought this would be a different take on helping us work with anxiety in social situations and not having to be polite and right (perfect) all the time. 
 
Ways to check out Murray’s work:
 
The book
Social Therapeutic Coaching: A Practical Guide to Group and Couple Work.
https://www.amazon.com/Social-Therapeutic-Coaching-Practical-Couples/dp/1032353503/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2D04UIUNM49IF&keywords=murray+dabby&qid=1696528592&sprefix=%2Caps%2C212&sr=8-1
 
Groups
The Couples College - https://www.thecouplescollege.com
Atlanta Center for Social Therapy - http://www.atlantasocialtherapy.com/murray-dabby.html
Curtain Up, Anxiety Down - https://www.curtainupanxietydown.com
 
Also discussed in this episode:
How play is a vital part of rewiring anxiety, managing perfectionism and learning in general!
Creativity is expansive and can balance our adult success-driven minds.
What the atmosphere of an improv group offers us – hint…it relaxes our fear of making mistakes.
 
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step? Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/vicki.smith.3110/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
 
 

How to Listen to Yourself (and figure out what YOU want!)

People pleasers are really good at giving other people what they need. And not so great at knowing what they need to feel happy and healthy in their relationships.
 
If you want to say “no” and set boundaries confidently you gotta know where your lines. If you don’t know yourself then your lines are blurry and you will keep this pattern going of tuning in to what is going on OUTSIDE of you instead of taking care of what you are feeling INSIDE.
 
Making this shift to being a boundary badass isn’t natural for pleasers and to help you I am laying out how to be more in touch with yourself in 5 steps. Its called the U-turn exercise and it will help you begin to bend the arch of awareness towards YOURSELF instead of others.
Also discussed in this episode:
The reason why you developed “emotional antennas” in the first place.
My favorite (and the most powerful) question to ask yourself when doing this work!
How knowing what you *don’t* want can be just as helpful as knowing what you *do* want!
 
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk about how I can help right here:
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Freebies I promised:
Shaky to confident – nervous system regulation techniques
https://subscribepage.io/KNF3NqRAIN – Tara Brach’s mindfulness guide to creating curiosity and staying with discomfort 
https://subscribepage.io/AQXPyp
Feeling Wheel with physical sensations – by Lindsay Braman *small cost for the download*
https://lindsaybraman.com/emotion-sensation-feeling-wheel/
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/vicki.smith.3110/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
 

How People Pleasing and Narcissistic Parents go hand and hand with Taylor Damiani

Today Taylor Damiani is here to talk about being a child/adult child of a narcissistic parent. Codependency and perfectionism come from living in a toxic family environment. So does our inner critical voice! 
This awareness hits close to home for both Taylor and myself. 
We talk about how understanding narcissism was a relief and helped us to release the burden of needing to prove our worth and hustle to be positively connected to others. 
 
Highlights of the episode: 
Narcissism is not just being controlling and selfish 
Taylor’s empowering, light bulb moment about narcissism 
Unlearn and deprogram our people pleasing conditioning 
 
About Taylor: 
Taylor Damiani is a coach and licensed psychologist who helps adult children of narcissists stop walking on eggshells and step into their true, authentic selves. As someone who has walked this path, she gets it. She facilitates groups to help others out of the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt) and into their light. 
Website: www.taylordamiani.com/group
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taylordamianicoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/taylordamianicoaching
Email: Taylor@taylordamiani.com
 
Links: 
Like what you hear and wanna see what working with me is like?  Set up a time to talk for a few! 
https://calendly.com/vicki-46/15min
 
 

What is Fawning?

Fawning has become a way of explaining a natural nervous system response to conflict, tension and difficult relationships. It’s now considered a trauma response and part of the fight, flight and freeze trio of biological reactions to threat.
Join me as I work through my initial resistance to accepting that fawning is more than a defense strategy and how I helped myself and help clients find safety and connection in their bodies, minds and hearts so they can turn down their automatic fawning behaviors.
 
Also discussed in this episode:
The origin of the term “fawning”.
What makes “fawning” a trauma response.
A list of “fawning” symptoms and how I check off almost all of them!
Why I believe connecting back to the body is a foundational step to healing this and all automatic stress responses.
Links:
Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk!
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
 
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
 
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q
 
 

How to take YOUR power back

Ever wonder why I call this “Power” to the Pleasers? Today I dive into the personal power and what that specifically means to people pleasers and perfectionists. 
 
Join me as we explore how to tune in, turn towards and get curious about your ability to move from being reliant on others for approval! 
 
Also discussed in this episode: 
 
The qualities you need access to FIRST before you can actually feel powerful 
Why being in control is not the same as owning your power 
How knowing yourself is the foundation for confidence 
 
Links: 
 
Like what you hear and want to take the next step?  Set up a time to talk! 
https://tr.ee/vJHETPoI_p
 
Join the email community! https://view.flodesk.com/pages/630cd23ac861f3e7c8c8177b
 
Connect with Vicki:Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100075839538976
 
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/power.to.the.pleasers/
 
Website -  https://powertothepleasers.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNatSGDHY9lOmCoCVxQQE2Q